see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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