Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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