I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
