I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
