i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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