I want to stick my p in your. b.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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