I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
