i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's always time for handjobs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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