But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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