I want to make a zoo with you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
