I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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