i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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