And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
