That's intense
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is wine microwaveable?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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