My sheets look like a crime scene.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
