I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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