i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
