So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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