The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
