theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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