Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
