wakey wakey hands off snakey
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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