Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
