Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize