Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
