I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
