I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
