i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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