you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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