if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
