And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
