were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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