He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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