Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize