hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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