I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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