I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
