john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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