I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
