One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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