I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
