1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
