I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
