I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
