Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
