3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize