i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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