New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
