Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize