So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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