My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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