I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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