Kiss
Puke
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
