Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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