Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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