Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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