If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
