when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
