I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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