Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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