.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
