just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
