Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
