Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
