Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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