that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
