I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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