i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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