i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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