Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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