it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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