So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
