but the lizard people decide everything anyway
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize