I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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