were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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