After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
