Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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