I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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