chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
