HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
