Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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