Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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