my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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