I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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