Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
